Eroticon 2017 Meet & Greet – Ruby Goodnight

Eroticon 2017

Wow – can I tell you how glad I am to finally be writing one of these Meet and Greet posts again? After missing out on Eroticon for two years, I’m beside myself that my bosses at Doxy have provided me with the opportunity to hop the pond and take part in the event that made such amazing strides in my career.

So, without further delays….

NAME (and Twitter if you have one)

The name that I work under is Ruby Goodnight, and my twitter is @RubyGoodnight, but I also use the @DoxyNAmerica and @AfterDarkDoxy accounts for work-related purposes.


What are you hoping to get out of Eroticon 2017?

For this year’s Eroticon, it’s all about connections. After moving from the UK two years ago, I’ve not been able to keep up with the many friends I’ve made that reside overseas, and Eroticon is one place where we’ve always been able to get together and hang out. Being with these folks and seeing their success gives me a buzz that I’ve not been able to find elsewhere. Add on top that some of my fav North American based bloggers are heading over, I can’t wait to just *be* with people. The possible connections to be made with those I’ve not met also ranks up there.

That, and I’m speaking on something I feel VERY passionate about, and hoping to change a few reluctant minds!


This years schedule at Eroticon is pretty full on but which 4 sessions do you already have marked down as ones you want to attend?

Sex Blogging as Feminism and Social Justice: Sarah Brynn Holliday – Sarah is someone who always gets me thinking and pushed my activism side to places it needs to go. So I’m 100% going to this one!

Obscene Text: Free Speech and the Written Word – Myles Jackman – I find myself continually in awe of Miles and the work he does. I’m a proud Patreon of his, and am looking forward to what he can share with the Eroticon crowds.

Hands On Rope Workshop: Djfet – My rope skills are SOOOOOO basic – I need a boost to get me learning again!

A KinkCraft Workshop – Just because I’ve yet to meet the lovely folks at KinkCraft and I want to make some hitty toys.


Tell us one thing about yourself that not many people know?

I can wiggle my ears.


If you made the papers, what would the headline be?

In my somewhat conservative town? “Local woman uses sex toys to purchase new home!”


If you could have one skill for free (I.e. without practice/time/effort) what would it be?

I’m going to have to copy Michael on this one. I wish I could sleep anywhere! You’ve no idea how many airplane rides I’ve been on where I just *wish* I could catch a few winks. So if I’m a zombie the first day of Eroticon, you know why!


Complete the sentence: I love it when…

…my spouse and son tell me they love me. Yeah, I’m a soppy girl.

 

On Cliques & Gaslighting

I was having a conversation / thought stream on Twitter today, after seeing days and days of discussion on the concept of ‘blogger exclusion’. Specifically, the idea of a ‘clique’, feeling left out, etc. This is something I know me and other folks want to work to fix, and my best way of handling huge issues like this is to break it down into smaller parts.

We talked about the understanding of the word ‘clique’, as it was being thrown around as both a general descriptor and an insult. The consensus was that a clique was a group of individuals that actively, consciously, purposely reject others from entering into their social circle. It was not a catch-all phrase for a group of friends or like minded individuals. Once we got that out of the way, we zeroed in.

I came to the conclusion that we were talking about two sets of individuals in this excluded group. The first group are those newer/smaller/quieter folks who haven’t actively been excluded, but for some reason feel left out. Many attribute this to their own self esteem and mental health, but the overwhelming voice was this group just feels left on the sidelines. I think this would be the easiest group to help – it will take effort that some might not have, but it’s simpler things like encouragement, signal boosting, conversations, etc.

Keep going…I want more…

My spouse Em made a big decision a few weeks ago. Coupled with insanely heavy and painful periods, and an increase in gender dysphoria tied to those periods, she agreed that it was time we look into methods to stop her menses. Em is still working through issues surrounding her gender, labels, and whatnot. But, there were two things she knew she wanted. One was that she did not want to start T (that would eventually stop her period), but didn’t want to get any more ‘girly’. The other is that she wanted her periods to stop as soon and easily as possible.

Keep going…I want more…

An update on my brain

It’s been a little over three weeks since I shared this post about my anxiety, depression, and going back on meds. I’ve had some folks DM me for an update, so I thought I’d let folks know how I was coming along.

Keep going…I want more…

It’s been a very long time since I’ve blogged. I miss it. I don’t know if this will be the start of me getting back into the swing of things, or just a one off. But, I wanted to talk about something – about me, really – and hopefully share a piece of writing that’ll help others.

Over the last few months I’ve started to become more comfortable with talking about my mental health. I think part of that is the bloggers and educators that I’ve surrounded myself with since moving back to the US. Folks like JoEllen Notte and Crista Anne are so open about their mental health goings-on, and how they intersect with their personal and working lives, it’s really helped me sift through the layers of shame that I’ve had. That we all work in a similar field and have the same values also helps. So I’m ready to talk about what’s going on with me.

Keep going…I want more…

I’ll start off this post by saying that Amazon is not the best place to get sex toys. I would much prefer it if you found yourself a retailer who you can build a relationship with, that does outreach programs, teaches sex educations classes – a company that gives you more than a sex toy. I don’t buy my sex toys on Amazon. Check out Doxy’s retailers – those are the kind of shops you want to get to know, and who I use.

But I know Amazon is someplace that people go to buy pleasure products. Amazon gift cards exist. Their wish lists are easy to use. As my Twitter friend Ian put it, “The best place to buy food is a decent specialist grocer or butcher. But sometimes you grab a burger.” There can be a lot of scare mongering when it comes to buying sex toys on Amazon. Some of it comes from lack of knowledge about how Amazon works. My hope is to take some of the most heard issues when it comes to Amazon sex toy sales, and do a bit of education myself.

Keep going…I want more…

Ruby Goodnight WoodhullIt’s been about a year since I’ve moved back to the US from England, and part of the adjustment has been getting to know the convention and trade show scene here all over again. The Sexual Freedom Summit had been in my ‘hmm, this looks interesting, I should find out more’ list for a few months. Part of the direction that I’m looking to take my work into – especially when it comes to the Doxy brand – is education and activism. SFS was just that – an intermingling of not only educators and activists, but sex workers, mental health experts, doctors, lawyers, pleasure product retailers and manufacturers, bloggers, students – you get the idea. It is the “the event where everything comes together in spectacular conversations about sexual rights”, as the tagline reads. The focus this year was on sex and aging – an area that I’m eager to learn about and bring to the Doxy table, but I was growing a bit burned out of shows and travelling to teach, and though that maybe I’d add it to the 2016 list.

Then JoEllen Notte, a sex educator and mega Doxy supporter knocked on my email door asking about working together for the event. I knew that JoEllen would be a great ambassador for Doxy, and I could judge through her if the Sexual Freedom Summit would be someplace that I’d want to be a part of – but still thinking next year. While attending the ANME trade show, I got a chance to speak with Metis Black of Tantus, along with Ricci Levi, the executive director of Woodhull, my mind was made. My ‘I’m not going to do any more shows for 2015’ list had grown by one, and I’m amazingly glad it did.

Keep going…I want more…

Sinful Sunday – Rude Americana

It’s been a while since we took part in Sinful Sunday.

So, rather than reinventing the wheel this time around, Em decided to redo a previous post in a 4th of July theme.

Rude Americana

See who else is being sinful on this 4th of July.

Sinful Sunday

Good Morning From Vermont – #SinfulSunday

We are tucked away in the woods of Vermont this weekend.

Ruby Goodnight in Vermont
Sinful Sunday

YKINMK But Your Kink Pays The Bills

YKINMKFor a lot of folks, I have one of those ‘dream jobs’. One of the major income streams I have is watching porn and writing descriptions for the actions involved. I’ve watched and written about a number of different porn genres, some of which falls into the ‘taboo’ realm. I’ve worked on revenge porn (scripted and consensual porn flicks designed to look like the non-consensual and often illegal version), rape porn (again – scripted and consensual that looks otherwise), and prolapse porn. Your kink is not my usual kink, and it kind of intrigues me, but your kink is certainly something I’ll work with.

Then there are certain niches that I outright refuse to work on. I won’t do anything with children (even the computer generated child movies), dead bodies, animals, or consumption of blood, scat or urine. Luckily, they are ether illegal or difficult to get payment processing for, so I don’t get much demand for them. Your kink is not my kink, and your kink won’t ever appear on my invoices.

But – there is a grey area for me. Where your kink is not my kink, I’m actively turned off by your kink, but I will still work on that material. I’m not talking just a dislike for the material. I’m talking about working with these niches gives me a physical reaction that is not only unpleasant, but constantly makes me question if I’m charging enough money for my time. There are three that hit the top of that list that seem to come into my inbox on a somewhat regular basis.

Keep going…I want more…

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