It’s been a little over three weeks since I shared this post about my anxiety, depression, and going back on meds. I’ve had some folks DM me for an update, so I thought I’d let folks know how I was coming along.
The Body of Ruby Archives
It’s been a very long time since I’ve blogged. I miss it. I don’t know if this will be the start of me getting back into the swing of things, or just a one off. But, I wanted to talk about something – about me, really – and hopefully share a piece of writing that’ll help others.
Over the last few months I’ve started to become more comfortable with talking about my mental health. I think part of that is the bloggers and educators that I’ve surrounded myself with since moving back to the US. Folks like JoEllen Notte and Crista Anne are so open about their mental health goings-on, and how they intersect with their personal and working lives, it’s really helped me sift through the layers of shame that I’ve had. That we all work in a similar field and have the same values also helps. So I’m ready to talk about what’s going on with me.
“Suspenders as well, or just stockings?”
“Stockings are good. Don’t worry about underwear.”
“Dress? Bra? Shoes?”
“Stick with the skirt. Black bra & high shoes.”
My instructions came through a series of text, with my head still somewhat cloudy from the previous night – and the previous weekend’s events. She wasn’t satisfied with what we had done the night before, and wanted to push me further.
“An hour until I can feel how wet you are.”
Her words kept me on my toes all day long. My over-preparing mind started going into gear. Pull out the thigh highs you didn’t wear this weekend. Dig out that garter belt from the back of the suitcase. Which skirt? Something short that she won’t need to move that much. I only wore that cream colored one for a short time this weekend. Maybe that will work? Her toys are cleaned and ready. Is everything there it should be?
My cunt ached looking at the items she didn’t use last night, but I wished she had. The clover clamps. The purple Tantus. Her new Rodeohs. The ankle cuffs. There was the new flogger that was sat there as well. I knew for sure that she wasn’t going to use that any time soon. She needed to get used to it first, before my flesh was its target. That didn’t make it any harder to look at. Keep going…I want more…
This is a bit of a different kind of blog post for me. I tend to keep this level of ‘personal’ discussion to my other social media accounts, but since so many of my friends in the ‘adult’ circles I live in have asked me, I thought I’d share it here. I’ve had a few people ask me about the moment I found out DOMA was dead, and letting my wife know the news. So, before my memories started to become less set in my mind, I thought it best to put pen to paper and tell the short story.
In case you don’t know, the SCOTUS announcements aren’t allowed to be recorded (either audio or visual). The way that most find out what is going on is via live text feeds written by people that are in the room as they are being read out. For me, I was reading the SCOTUSBlog site as I had every announcement day since the start of June.
My initial plan was to camp out in front of my laptop at my parents’ house. (I’m currently on vacation in the States, staying with them.) That changed to going to my brother’s house for a few reasons – if things didn’t go in our favor, I’d have someone to keep an eye on our son in the event that Mrs and I got too emotional. I also wouldn’t have to face my upset parents right away and I’d have time to compose myself. Thankfully, those issues didn’t happen.
I was on my own in my brother’s livingroom while the rest of the family (Mrs, our son, my brother and his partner and their 2 year old son, my SIL’s mother, and my grandmother) were hanging out in the other room. They knew what was going on, and I think they were just giving me my space. The time came and the text started updating. The blog hosts were just making chit chat at first, then the decisions came down.
“Here’s Lyle with the first opinion. It’s DOMA.”
I know the phrase “minutes feel like hours” is cliché, but well…yeah.
“5-4 per Kennedy.”
So my mind starts going. I knew that there would be at least a few dissenters, but not that many. I knew Kennedy was a “swing” vote, so which way did he vote? Tick tick tick…
“Roberts dissents. Scalia dissents. Equal protection.”
This was the “OH SHIT” moment. This is when that part of my brain stood up and did a fist pump because this looked like we had “won”. But, logical me wanted to wait a few minutes. Read more. Make sure I was 100% sure that this was the truth. I didn’t want to upset Mrs by giving her good news only to have to take it away later, even though at this point I was pretty damn sure.
“Scalia is joined by Thomas, Chief joins in part.
Alito dissents, joined by Thomas in part.
DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment.”
I could see my reflection in the monitor. My mouth was open, but my hand was over it. My eyes were wide open, and the tears had started. I was smiling. I knew that we had won. Time to go tell Mrs.
I made my way to the room where everyone else was, just chatting away. She was standing across the room, looking down at our nephew. I called her name, and when she looked up at me, I gave her a thumbs up and shook my head ‘yes’.
“Yeah, they struck it down.”
Tears. My hand went back over my mouth. I made my way to my wife, and we hugged harder than we had in years. She was shaking, and crying. I looked around and my brother and SIL were crying as well. My confused grandmother didn’t really know what was going on, so I explained that the Supreme Court changed the laws, which meant that we would be able to move home.
Yes, Gram. Permanently.
Our lives have changed forever.
When Molly from MollysDailyKiss asked Mrs Goodnight and I to take part in her ongoing Pussy Pride Project, I must admit I was slightly hesitant at first. I was aware of the project even before Molly and I started on our path to friendship (as I had been a tad of a blog-stalker for a while) and had toyed with the idea before. Unlike a lot of the women who have posted, I am still in the phase of growing comfortable with my own pussy.
I’ve never been the type to shout about my body from the rooftops, but I feel it’s now time to take a step forward and start being much more positive about my pussy. Mrs Goodnight and I have done this blog post in two parts – one part being me discussing my own pussy, as well as hers. Then Mrs Goodnight takes over and discusses her own lady parts, and her take on mine.