After some rather…intense…twitter discussions on the recent actions by Blogger and WordPress in relation to hosting adult content I thought I’d put a more positive spin on things. After speaking with John D Stories, he reminded me that there is a lot of actual ‘good’ to come out of this whole thing. So in typical blogging style, I’ve decided to throw together a top ten positive results that I feel will come out of the mass adult exodus from those two services.

Hosts that do support adult materials will get a boost in their signups and sales. In a free market system, if you don’t like a given service provider, you head on over to one that you do. I would imagine that Blogger and WordPress are now losing blogs by the thousands. I would also imagine that the majority of those leaving wouldn’t be simply dropping their blog for good – they are either moving to an adult friendly freehost, or spending their money with a company that does support their desire to write about adult themes. These adult-friendly hosts are now benefiting from the moronic move that was made by their largest competition.

Keep going…I want more…

 

This blog post is in response to the (It Girl. Rag Doll) Podcast called “First they came for the pornographers“. I was going to originally leave this as a comment, but it got too long to flood the lovely ladies’ page. Go check out the podcast in full! 

Great podcast Harper, Molly and Signs. When this whole thing blew up a few weeks ago, I’ve got to say I’m one of those people who didn’t run around thinking the sky was falling and that the “Pornocopolis” was upon us. I think there are three issues that you all touched upon that I think should be discussed more – the rights of a ‘private’ company (ie Google/Blogger, WordPress, Yahoo/Tumblr, etc.) to run their business as they see fit, the issue with using freehosts at all, and government censorship. This turned into a huge post, so I’ve put it up on my own blog.

Keep going…I want more…

The Moment That DOMA Died

This is a bit of a different kind of blog post for me. I tend to keep this level of ‘personal’ discussion to my other social media accounts, but since so many of my friends in the ‘adult’ circles I live in have asked me, I thought I’d share it here. I’ve had a few people ask me about the moment I found out DOMA was dead, and letting my wife know the news. So, before my memories started to become less set in my mind, I thought it best to put pen to paper  and tell the short story.

In case you don’t know, the SCOTUS announcements aren’t allowed to be recorded (either audio or visual). The way that most find out what is going on is via live text feeds written by people that are in the room as they are being read out. For me, I was reading the SCOTUSBlog site as I had every announcement day since the start of June.

My initial plan was to camp out in front of my laptop at my parents’ house. (I’m currently on vacation in the States, staying with them.) That changed to going to my brother’s house for a few reasons – if things didn’t go in our favor, I’d have someone to keep an eye on our son in the event that Mrs and I got too emotional. I also wouldn’t have to face my upset parents right away and I’d have time to compose myself. Thankfully, those issues didn’t happen.

I was on my own in my brother’s livingroom while the rest of the family (Mrs, our son, my brother and his partner and their 2 year old son, my SIL’s mother, and my grandmother) were hanging out in the other room. They knew what was going on, and I think they were just giving me my space. The time came and the text started updating. The blog hosts were just making chit chat at first, then the decisions came down.

“Here’s Lyle with the first opinion. It’s DOMA.”

I know the phrase “minutes feel like hours” is cliché, but well…yeah.

“5-4 per Kennedy.”

So my mind starts going. I knew that there would be at least a few dissenters, but not that many. I knew Kennedy was a “swing” vote, so which way did he vote? Tick tick tick…

“Roberts dissents. Scalia dissents. Equal protection.”

This was the “OH SHIT” moment. This is when that part of my brain stood up and did a fist pump because this looked like we had “won”. But, logical me wanted to wait a few minutes. Read more. Make sure I was 100% sure that this was the truth. I didn’t want to upset Mrs by giving her good news only to have to take it away later, even though at this point I was pretty damn sure.

“Scalia is joined by Thomas, Chief joins in part.

Alito dissents, joined by Thomas in part.

DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment.”

I could see my reflection in the monitor. My mouth was open, but my hand was over it. My eyes were wide open, and the tears had started. I was smiling. I knew that we had won. Time to go tell Mrs.

I made my way to the room where everyone else was, just chatting away. She was standing across the room, looking down at our nephew. I called her name, and when she looked up at me, I gave her a thumbs up and shook my head ‘yes’.

“Really?”

“Yeah, they struck it down.”

Tears. My hand went back over my mouth. I made my way to my wife, and we hugged harder than we had in years. She was shaking, and crying. I looked around and my brother and SIL were crying as well. My confused grandmother didn’t really know what was going on, so I explained that the Supreme Court changed the laws, which meant that we would be able to move home.

“Permanently?”

Yes, Gram. Permanently.

Our lives have changed forever.

Help Find This ToyAlright sex toy experts – Mrs Goodnight and I need your help! With all the sex toys we have, through our own purchases and freebies for reviews, we always have a set of five or so that we return to as our “standard” toys. One of them – this set of Cal Exotic vibrating balls – has been on our go-to list for years.

Unfortunately, it’s nearing the end of its life with the oh-so-frequent issue of cord breakdown.

The problem is – we have no idea what this toy is called or where to get a new one. Yes, I know vibrating balls are a dime a dozen, and almost every sex toy manufacturer has their own versions. But, we’re pulling a Veruca Salt with a whiny “but we want THIS one!” We’ve looked online in general sex toy sites as well as the Cal Exotic site itself, and not found it. It could very well be discontinued as Mrs bought it from a random US-based sex toy website in mid-2006.

In the event that this particular toy has been discontinued, we’d be open to ideas for a good replacement. We don’t use these balls internally, just for clitoral stimulation  We like the cord length on this toy – just around 2 feet from the remote to the first ball, and around 6 inches between balls. We use this toy mostly for simultaneous, hands-free clit stim during tribadism.

So, ladies and gentlemen of the sex toy world – do you know what this set of vibrating balls is called, and if I can get an exact replacement? If not, do you have a suggestion for a new toy that’s close to this one? My wife and I appreciate your efforts!

UPDATE! We now know what this little delight is called! Thanks to the folks at Cal Exotic to giving me the info we need. Now…to hunt it down.

Ruby Goodnight Twitter

 

The relationship between sex toy companies and bloggers can be a strained one at times. The companies want to make the most on their investment, be it time, money, or a bit of both. Bloggers want to be respected for their craft and receive a valuable return for their work. Sometimes companies, such as SexShop365.co.uk, hold contests for the blogging community to get involved in. Ordinarily, this is a two way street. Bloggers get exposure to potential new readers, the ability to win prizes, and even the ego boost associated with winning a popularity contest. Sex toy companies get incoming traffic from bloggers promoting the contest and making connections with bloggers in their community. Both sides realize that blog posts have value, and both want to capitalize on this value.
Blogger contestsSometimes this can go wrong – contests, as well as relationships.

Back in March when this particular contest began, there was a bit of an earthquake going on in the part of the twitterverse I live in. Things were being said about this contest that didn’t seem right, that the ‘balance’ that was originally set forward between what the company got and what the blogger got seemed off center. The issues seemed to have calmed down in the following weeks, only to rise up again once the contest came to an end. So much rumor and innuendo and third hand tweeting were going on, I personally didn’t know what end was up. It even appeared at one point that actual laws were being broken, based on the content of some tweets. Given that I had previously discussed the relationships between bloggers and sex toy companies in a past post, this was something I wanted to get to the bottom of.

So, I went to the source, right to SexShop365.co.uk, and asked my own questions. You may be surprised at the answers, you may not. My hope with providing these answers is for bloggers to better understand what goes on ‘behind the scenes’ at sex toy companies during contests like this, and to make better decisions when choosing which companies they will form relationships with and which contests to enter. Keep going…I want more…

get paid to write

The issue of payment for writing services has once again come up in my twitterverse. This blog post was spawned off by two comments, one from a higher up at a rather large sex toy company, and another from a well known blogger in the sex toy world. Both comments, to me, were prefect examples of writers being taken advantage of when it comes to being paid for their work. While I’m not going to name and shame at this point, suffice to say these are two quite ‘influential’ individuals in the sex toy world who really should have known better.

So when it is appropriate to write content for free? First, let’s define was free isn’t. To me, receiving anything that I would value in return for my work is a form of payment, and therefore isn’t free. Obviously, money is the most common form of payment. But what when it’s not as straight forward as a cash exchange? What if you’re getting ‘something else’ and don’t want to be taken advantage of?

Keep going…I want more…

Sinful Sunday – While The Cat’s Away…

…the mouse will take quick naked selfies. This is as quick and dirty as I get – no filter, no cropping, no effects. Just me and a dirty mirror, my laundry, and our bookshelf.

Ruby Goodnight

 

Ready to show off your sexy side? Click the image below to get an glimpse of all the Sinful Sunday sexiness, and follow the hashtag #SinfulSunday to read up on the action!

Sinful Sunday

The True Value Of A Blog Post

In the last few weeks, the value of words on a blog has come up a number of times. In my Eroticon workshop I encouraged writers to put a monetary value to their writing, and stick with it. Be proud of the money that your words can earn. In a few conversations surrounding Eroticon, the topic of sex toy reviews came up, and the relationships between the sex toy retailers and the bloggers. Then today, another sex toy company has come into my twitter timeline after a contest for “best blogger” turned into a complete PR nightmare when it was exposed how the actual contest worked. Coming from a world where my words are written primarily for monetary gain, I may be coming at this from a slightly cynical standpoint, so forgive me if I sound like a black cloud.

In full disclosure, I feel I should advise you of the following – I write for a sex toy web site that does seek out bloggers to review their products. (I also work with one who doesn’t.) I run my own sex toy web site and I currently don’t supply sex toys in exchange for reviews. In addition, I have a reviews subdomain where I review sex toys and other sexy things. Do what you will with that info. 

I have real worry that there are sex toy review bloggers out there that think that the sex toy companies are seeking them out for their “craft” – their writing skills, their way with words, their opinion on a particular sex toy. Sure, there are the few small sex toy traders out there that may do that, and I can think of a couple off the top of my head that may. But for the vast majority, all sex toy bloggers are is a source of backlinks, link juice, PR, and on a minor level – outreach to potential customers. A sex toy web site that gets 75,000+ pageviews a day isn’t going to be that fussed about the hundred or so that you could potentially send. (Unless you’re what they call a “whale” in the gambling and affiliate marketing world – then it’s a whole other story and a whole other blog post.)

Keep going…I want more…

Eroticon Drop – My (Hopefully) Therapeutic Post

I’m sat here in my hotel room, packed and almost ready to go, in the midst of a second round of Eroticon drop.

My day was very mixed yesterday. A fast start to the morning, mind spinning with the previous day’s events mixed with a lack of sleep put me in a strange state. Amazing workshops leading up to lunch filled me with mental to-do lists and a desire to get home and get back to work. Not in a “I want to leave” way, but a “I want to use all this new info” way.

Then the downward spiral started.

Took part in a panel in the afternoon, that, for a number of reasons, didn’t live up to my expectations. Porn-bashing in the last panel I attended took a bit of wind out of my sails. I’ve been told that the last speaker of the day was amazing, and even though I was in the room and interested in what was being said, I was dealing with problems on one of my highest earning affiliate sites, so I wasn’t “there” in my head.

Then it was all done – the workshops, the learning, the connecting with new friends and reconnecting with old ones. I have to admit, my shitty afternoon made me feel slightly robbed.

Things improved in the evening, when I went out to dinner with a collection of people that I would give my right arm to be in their presence for any amount of time…all there at one table. Molly, Michael, Harper, Rachel, Rebelle & Master T, RG, Muse, Mia…my fangirl moments, all at the same table as me…a porn writer. Part of me didn’t feel worthy to be around them, part of me wanted to hold onto each of them and not let them go…or me go…

But, I had to – let them go, and let me go….as in Ruby. It was time to go back to Sarah.

Please don’t get me wrong. Going back to Mrs and toddler is something I’ve wanted to do since I stepped out of the car on Friday afternoon. They are the reason I do it all. What surrounds them…that’s what is giving me the second round of drop. Small town England where the idea of a great night out is leaving your kid with your ex while you go to the shitty pub in town, get trashed and high and puking in the street – at the age of 35. Sharing those pictures on your Facebook timeline the next morning. Going to toddler playgroups and seeing them used as ways to pick up chicks rather than pay attention to your kid that’s crying for your attention. Where if word ever got out that I write adult materials I’d be transformed from “That American lesbian” to “That porn-writing American lesbian”. No adult conversations around sex, writing, BDSM, life, love other than that from my amazing wife….

My drop is a disconnection.

But….are they?

This post has been bouncing around in my head since Molly encouraged her readers to discuss and bust myths surrounding submissive women. I started off with a set in my head, and began to mentally expand on them, but haven’t had the opportunity (or time…let’s be honest here) to get them down on my blog. If you haven’t read Molly’s post Question Time, click on over and check out why she’s posed these specific questions.

Top Five Myths & Beliefs I Would Like To Dispel About Submissive Women:

  • They are all masochists / pain sluts. Not all submissives get off on pain. I’m one of them. Sure, pain is part of the whole picture when it comes to submission and BDSM, but it’s not the end all be all. Smacking a sub on the ass isn’t going to send them into a quivering pile of orgasmic goo (at least not this submissive). 
  • They all have high powered jobs and they are using their submission as a release / escape. I’ve even heard this one from other submissives – that they have control in every other aspect of their lives, so their submission is their way to let that go. Yes, this is the case for some subs, but don’t take it as gospel that they are all like that.
  • They are all polyamourous or have open relationships. I think this applies more of a BDSM myth in general rather than a submissive-only myth. While many D/s relationships are open, or involve third parties (or fourth…fifth…etc…), there are other D/s couples who choose not to open their relationship to others.
  • Submissives have “Daddy” issues. As in they somehow had a warped relationship with their fathers that caused them to become sexual submissives.
  • That being a sub is all about “taking” and not “giving”. There seems to be a trend of showing submission as a one way street, both physically and emotionally- receiving the flogging, receiving the Dom’s cock / dildo, receiving the collar, receiving the aftercare. Submission isn’t incapacity – we can give as well as we can take! Giving pleasure, giving our submission, giving our love and affection. Too much of that is missed out.

Top five words to describe my submission: evolving, devotion, teaching, hidden, and growing. I’ll leave you to make of that what you will.

In erotic fiction, what “wrongs” have I come across that don’t work for me as a submissive woman: 

  • The parties involved are in BDSM due to some childhood trauma. <coughFiftyShadescough> 
  • I personally haven’t found a female-female D/s erotica that isn’t stereotypical when it comes to a number of issues, including female domination, lesbian relationships, and D/s in general.
  • The lack of communication before the relationship or session starts. Fifty Shades almost got there with the whole contract being brought in, but even that wasn’t communicated fully in such a way that I felt both parties were understanding. (I do need to give her credit for even having it there in the first place, though!)

If you could as Molly any question, what would it be? 

If there ever comes a point where your child (either teenage or adult) discovers your fetish, how would you handle it?

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