Archive for 'philosophy'

Ruby Goodnight WoodhullIt’s been about a year since I’ve moved back to the US from England, and part of the adjustment has been getting to know the convention and trade show scene here all over again. The Sexual Freedom Summit had been in my ‘hmm, this looks interesting, I should find out more’ list for a few months. Part of the direction that I’m looking to take my work into – especially when it comes to the Doxy brand – is education and activism. SFS was just that – an intermingling of not only educators and activists, but sex workers, mental health experts, doctors, lawyers, pleasure product retailers and manufacturers, bloggers, students – you get the idea. It is the “the event where everything comes together in spectacular conversations about sexual rights”, as the tagline reads. The focus this year was on sex and aging – an area that I’m eager to learn about and bring to the Doxy table, but I was growing a bit burned out of shows and travelling to teach, and though that maybe I’d add it to the 2016 list.

Then JoEllen Notte, a sex educator and mega Doxy supporter knocked on my email door asking about working together for the event. I knew that JoEllen would be a great ambassador for Doxy, and I could judge through her if the Sexual Freedom Summit would be someplace that I’d want to be a part of – but still thinking next year. While attending the ANME trade show, I got a chance to speak with Metis Black of Tantus, along with Ricci Levi, the executive director of Woodhull, my mind was made. My ‘I’m not going to do any more shows for 2015’ list had grown by one, and I’m amazingly glad it did.

Keep going…I want more…

get paid to write

The issue of payment for writing services has once again come up in my twitterverse. This blog post was spawned off by two comments, one from a higher up at a rather large sex toy company, and another from a well known blogger in the sex toy world. Both comments, to me, were prefect examples of writers being taken advantage of when it comes to being paid for their work. While I’m not going to name and shame at this point, suffice to say these are two quite ‘influential’ individuals in the sex toy world who really should have known better.

So when it is appropriate to write content for free? First, let’s define was free isn’t. To me, receiving anything that I would value in return for my work is a form of payment, and therefore isn’t free. Obviously, money is the most common form of payment. But what when it’s not as straight forward as a cash exchange? What if you’re getting ‘something else’ and don’t want to be taken advantage of?

Keep going…I want more…

But….are they?

This post has been bouncing around in my head since Molly encouraged her readers to discuss and bust myths surrounding submissive women. I started off with a set in my head, and began to mentally expand on them, but haven’t had the opportunity (or time…let’s be honest here) to get them down on my blog. If you haven’t read Molly’s post Question Time, click on over and check out why she’s posed these specific questions.

Top Five Myths & Beliefs I Would Like To Dispel About Submissive Women:

  • They are all masochists / pain sluts. Not all submissives get off on pain. I’m one of them. Sure, pain is part of the whole picture when it comes to submission and BDSM, but it’s not the end all be all. Smacking a sub on the ass isn’t going to send them into a quivering pile of orgasmic goo (at least not this submissive). 
  • They all have high powered jobs and they are using their submission as a release / escape. I’ve even heard this one from other submissives – that they have control in every other aspect of their lives, so their submission is their way to let that go. Yes, this is the case for some subs, but don’t take it as gospel that they are all like that.
  • They are all polyamourous or have open relationships. I think this applies more of a BDSM myth in general rather than a submissive-only myth. While many D/s relationships are open, or involve third parties (or fourth…fifth…etc…), there are other D/s couples who choose not to open their relationship to others.
  • Submissives have “Daddy” issues. As in they somehow had a warped relationship with their fathers that caused them to become sexual submissives.
  • That being a sub is all about “taking” and not “giving”. There seems to be a trend of showing submission as a one way street, both physically and emotionally- receiving the flogging, receiving the Dom’s cock / dildo, receiving the collar, receiving the aftercare. Submission isn’t incapacity – we can give as well as we can take! Giving pleasure, giving our submission, giving our love and affection. Too much of that is missed out.

Top five words to describe my submission: evolving, devotion, teaching, hidden, and growing. I’ll leave you to make of that what you will.

In erotic fiction, what “wrongs” have I come across that don’t work for me as a submissive woman: 

  • The parties involved are in BDSM due to some childhood trauma. <coughFiftyShadescough> 
  • I personally haven’t found a female-female D/s erotica that isn’t stereotypical when it comes to a number of issues, including female domination, lesbian relationships, and D/s in general.
  • The lack of communication before the relationship or session starts. Fifty Shades almost got there with the whole contract being brought in, but even that wasn’t communicated fully in such a way that I felt both parties were understanding. (I do need to give her credit for even having it there in the first place, though!)

If you could as Molly any question, what would it be? 

If there ever comes a point where your child (either teenage or adult) discovers your fetish, how would you handle it?

Is The Perfect Submissive A Masochist?

Evil Sticks

Image courtesy of http://www.swtchr2.com

Something happened while I was at Erotic Meet last weekend. I wouldn’t call it an event, or even a moment. it was an interaction that brought forward a question that has been playing in my mind – for really the better part of a decade and a half. A shadow that’s always lurked in the back of my head that makes me question my own desires and how I label myself.

Let me explain.

I standing outside with a group of ladies (most of who I know identify as submissive), as well as a single male dominant, getting some air and socializing. We were discussing a new toy that had been brought to the party. I’m not sure of it’s real name, but I call it a ‘vampire paddle’ – a paddle with small spikes attached, like those on a vampire glove. In a previous week, one of the submissive in the group had shown it’s power with her Sinful Sunday post (a warning if you click the link – it is bloody). In addition, the Dom had brought along His own toy, an ‘evil stick’ – a single bendable filament attached to a small handle.

I did handle the toys myself – appreciating the thuddy weight of the paddle’s flat side, and the construction of the spikes on the other. Taking the evil stick and flexing it between my fingers, admiring the simple construction. I had felt the bite of these types of evil sticks before, as a gentleman who used to run munches I regularly attended in the States makes them and sells them online. I was happy enough with that interaction, and handed them back to the Dom after my once-over.

This is where I feel like I was ‘different’.

Keep going…I want more…