This post has been bouncing around in my head since Molly encouraged her readers to discuss and bust myths surrounding submissive women. I started off with a set in my head, and began to mentally expand on them, but haven’t had the opportunity (or time…let’s be honest here) to get them down on my blog. If you haven’t read Molly’s post Question Time, click on over and check out why she’s posed these specific questions.
Top Five Myths & Beliefs I Would Like To Dispel About Submissive Women:
- They are all masochists / pain sluts. Not all submissives get off on pain. I’m one of them. Sure, pain is part of the whole picture when it comes to submission and BDSM, but it’s not the end all be all. Smacking a sub on the ass isn’t going to send them into a quivering pile of orgasmic goo (at least not this submissive).
- They all have high powered jobs and they are using their submission as a release / escape. I’ve even heard this one from other submissives – that they have control in every other aspect of their lives, so their submission is their way to let that go. Yes, this is the case for some subs, but don’t take it as gospel that they are all like that.
- They are all polyamourous or have open relationships. I think this applies more of a BDSM myth in general rather than a submissive-only myth. While many D/s relationships are open, or involve third parties (or fourth…fifth…etc…), there are other D/s couples who choose not to open their relationship to others.
- Submissives have “Daddy” issues. As in they somehow had a warped relationship with their fathers that caused them to become sexual submissives.
- That being a sub is all about “taking” and not “giving”. There seems to be a trend of showing submission as a one way street, both physically and emotionally- receiving the flogging, receiving the Dom’s cock / dildo, receiving the collar, receiving the aftercare. Submission isn’t incapacity – we can give as well as we can take! Giving pleasure, giving our submission, giving our love and affection. Too much of that is missed out.
Top five words to describe my submission: evolving, devotion, teaching, hidden, and growing. I’ll leave you to make of that what you will.
In erotic fiction, what “wrongs” have I come across that don’t work for me as a submissive woman:
- The parties involved are in BDSM due to some childhood trauma. <coughFiftyShadescough>
- I personally haven’t found a female-female D/s erotica that isn’t stereotypical when it comes to a number of issues, including female domination, lesbian relationships, and D/s in general.
- The lack of communication before the relationship or session starts. Fifty Shades almost got there with the whole contract being brought in, but even that wasn’t communicated fully in such a way that I felt both parties were understanding. (I do need to give her credit for even having it there in the first place, though!)
If you could as Molly any question, what would it be?
If there ever comes a point where your child (either teenage or adult) discovers your fetish, how would you handle it?